We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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