in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
