i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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