yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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