Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
