I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
