Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have tasted many bathrooms
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
