Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
