the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
