I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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