You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
