you traded sex for a burrito?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
