There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i believe in u and ur pee
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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