bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
