In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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