and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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