where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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