so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
