i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
