Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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