Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Two words: blizzard sex
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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