News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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