my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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