just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
