bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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