This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
