I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
