my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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