When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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