she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
