i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
