it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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