based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
