Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
