I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
