you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
