chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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