that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
