So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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