you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
