i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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