You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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