Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
