Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
