God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
my poor anus
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
