I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
