SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He? As in you personified your dick?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
