Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
