My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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