Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
