woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
