I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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