I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
