You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
