Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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