I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
